I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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