I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
