So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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