You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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