This is not my ceiling
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
