Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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