I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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