I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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