I think my fart just growled at me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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