in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
