Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well I just put wine in my tea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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