I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
