worst night to have a conscience
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
