the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
