she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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