i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
