my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
