I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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