Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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