you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
