what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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