i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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