I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
