You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
