let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
