i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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