you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
