I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
