My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
