shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We have so much sex to catch up on
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
