i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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