Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
