chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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