Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
