escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
