She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
