You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
