Cold hands, warm shart.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
