Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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