Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
