I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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