I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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