If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I forgot how hot balto sounded
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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