new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
