There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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