I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
