so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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