I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You work out of a Hotel?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
