I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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