PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
