do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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