so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
