We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
