Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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